


Listen Before I Go

by Wellillbedamned



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Song fic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 00:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20267095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wellillbedamned/pseuds/Wellillbedamned
Summary: I was feeling sad and I made this.Listen Before I GoBillie EilishWarning for those the don't want to read suicide.





	Listen Before I Go

Take me to the rooftop

Virgil lets out a huff and pulls his jacket on tighter. It's a cold night for it only being September. Though it doesn't matter that it's cold.

I wanna see the world when I stop breathing

He looks down at all the lights from the city. It's breathtaking. So is what he's about to do.

Turning blue

Virgil looks down at his hands, they're freezing. It's so cold. How is it this cold? When he breathed, he could see it in front of him. He knew he wouldn't be seeing his breath for much longer.

Tell me love is endless

Virgil smiled, he had really fallen hard and fast. He should have seen this coming.

Don't be so pretentious

Virgil had sworn the man could do him no harm but that wasn't true. The man he loved could never love him back. Virgil was just a game to Roman.

Leave me like you do

He had laughed when Virgil told him he loved him. He had said it was all fake and he just took pity. 

Tears filled Virgil's eyes but he wiped them away as soon as he could.

If you need me, wanna see me

No one would really need him, all he did was cause others pain. He knew Remus might be a bit sad but that was it. Who could love someone that didn't even love themselves?

Better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon

Virgil had texted Patton, Logan, Deceit, and Remus saying that he appreciated them. They don't suspect anything though. He hopes those four will be okay. He even prays nothing will happen to Roman.

Sorry can't save me now

Tears slip down Virgil's face, he wipes his face but the tears keep falling. Roman had laughed at him told him he wasn't going to be loved by anyone.

Sorry I don't know how

He did try at first to reach out to someone. It was hard though. He couldn't bother others. They didn't deserve his bullshit. He was doing this for them anyway.

Sorry there's no way out

He looked down the building, he'd done this many times. Each time something stopped him, something in the back of his mind telling him no. This time that something was not talking, finally resigning to the side that told him to do it.

But down, hm down

He stared at the ground from the top of his apartment building. It went into an alley way. There was no one in the alley which was slightly unusual. Usually people were doing some sort of drugs or there was a group of teenagers there doing stuff. He was thankful no one was there.

Taste me, 

He blinked and he was in a memory. His first kiss. With Roman. He had finally told Roman he liked him and Roman had told him he returned his feelings. Virgil had asked if he could kiss him. Roman had nodded and leaned forward. They're lips connected and Virgil knew he was screwed. Fireworks seemed to light up everywhere. Roman's soft lips on his own slightly chapped.

The salty tears on my cheek

He had cried that night. So happy, he had believed someone actually loved him, for him. Roman had held him and wiped away his tears not leaving until the morning.

That's what a year long headache does to you

He had been with Roman for a year before he broke up with him. They had shared so much, Virgil had trusted Roman with his life. Roman had kissed him so many times, he'd told him how perfect Virgil was and how much he cared. 

I'm not okay

Roman's laugh rang through his head. The smile that had looked so amazing at first. Now all he saw was a wicked smile and all he heard was a bittersweet laugh. 

I feel so scattered.

He didn't know who he was anymore. He had changed so much for Roman that he couldn't remember what it was like before.

Don't pretend I'm all that matters

"Wait!" He hears a voice behind. He flinches.

It's Remus'.

Leave me

"Go away. I don't want you here." Virgil turned away to look back at the ground. Remus. Fuck why him. His best friend. The twin of his ex. God why him. He didn't want Remus to see him.

Deja Vu

He laughed bittersweetly, Roman had tried to stop him committing suicide before. It had work. Virgil end up loving the man even more. And wasn't that just another mistake.

If you need me 

Remus yelled, "Come on. Not this way." Virgil turns back to look at his best friend. His eyes are shinning with unshead tears.

Wanna see me

He had been so careful in creating his plan so no one would see him. Guess he just made another mistake. And now Remus had to pay for his own mistake.

Better hurry

Remus held his hand out to Virgil, "Please! Please don't do this Virgil?" 

I'm leaving soon

Virgil turned his head back, "No! I've been trying to do this for years. You don't need me anymore. I'm just a mistake. It's time for me to die." He looked back down unable to keep looking at Remus.

Sorry can't save me now 

Remus started running forward and Virgil stepped closer to the edge.

Sorry I don't know how

Worda ran through his head reminding him why he had to do this. 

You'll never be loved by anyone.

You just want attention.

You can't help anyone.

You're so selfish

Stupid

Ugly

Rude

Liar

Weird.

You deserve to die.

Sorry there's no way out

He looked at the ground. He was ready. He needed this just like a normal person needed to breath.

Except down, down

Virgil takes a deep breath then leaps and hear's Remus yell. He's right at the edge reaching for him. Virgil knows Remus will get over his death. He can't miss something that only brought him pain.

He's falling and falling and falling and falling. He can't find it in him to be scared though. He's okay with this.

His body hits the ground. His body slipping out of consciousness and into a black abyss. He smiles slightly.

-

Remus screams as he sees Virgil jump. Reaching out for him. He sobbed as he watches Virgil hit the ground a scream sounding through the night. There's nothing he could do now.

He stayed there for what seemed like forever just watching his lifeless body on the ground, wishing he'd get up. 

Remus heard the sirens as the police and ambulance pulled up. Some men pulled Virgil into the ambulance while others talked to the woman who had seen him fall. 

Soon a police officer came up to the roof. Remus just stared at where Virgil's lifeless body had been. He just couldn't believe it. Virgil had felt so trapped that this was his only way of dealing with it. He never tried to talk to Remus or anyone else. Remus hates that he didn't notice. He had just figured he had needed time after his asshole of a brother broke his already fragile heart.

The police officer walked up to him. "Did you know the man?" 

Remus nodded his head, "I was his best friend." His voice cracked and a sob broke through.

The police officer quiet for a second then spoke out, "What's your name?" 

"R-Remus," he chocked out.

"Well then this is for you." He's handed a piece of paper. "We believe it's his suicide note."

Remus nods and the police officer leaves.

Call my friends and tell them that I love them

Remus opens the paper slowly and reads it to himself. 

To Patton,  
You truly are something amazing and I'm glad you stayed with me for so long. Don't be discouraged by what I have just done. I don't want to be mourned. I just want you to remember this was not because of you. 

And I'll miss them

Dear Logan,  
I know you aren't very emotional so I'll keep this short. I'm glad I met you. You are in charge of calling my family. Also, if you can, donate my body to science.

But I'm not sorry

For Roman,  
I hope you have a nice life and I hope you don't regret pretending, too much.

Call my friends and tell them that I love them

Deceit,  
You have so much going for you. Don't pause life because of me. Understand this is how it had to happen. I believe in you.

And I'll miss them 

To my best friend Remus,  
God I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and I know you're likely in so much pain. It's my fault. I want you to move forward and be happy. Maybe ask deceit out. There is so much the world needs you for. I want you to keep my photos.

Remus stared at page, it kept going but the next part said dear everyone and he just couldn't read anymore. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much.

And he knew what had been the main caused of this suicide.

Roman.

-

The world slowly fades out and Virgil whispers his last words to those who will never hear him. Maybe he just wishes someone around will hear maybe he's apologizing to the people that might get hurt. He forces his lips and voice to form one last word.

Sorry.


End file.
